A guide to farm weddings/any celebration

 

You need to plan ahead right?  Absolutely.  Like you can’t have a wedding in June because of wheat harvest.  Course if harvest is delayed by rain, hail, breakdowns, then you can forget July too.  And don’t even think about having a wedding in August. Helllloooo!!? Ever hear of corn silage chopping?  That’s the time of year that the guys barely have to sleep much eat or go to a wedding. And.  That can run right into or through September.  Or later.  Depends on the weather. Again. September is also the month that calls for cattle updates, upgrades, repairs, moving, cleaning, de-horning, castrating, selling, buying and oh yes….hauling poop.

Then you think…OCTOBER!!!?  Nope.  Wheat is waiting to be planted.  More breakdowns. Besides, there are K-State football games to attend because this just might be THE year they win the Big One! So we’ve gotta work like crazy during the week so we’ll be free on the weekends to travel 200 miles for a game.

 So now you’re looking at November.   Seriously? For real? That’s hunting season dude. Pheasants and deer abound. Trigger fingers are twitching. Camo clothes to be purchased and washed in special detergent so no varmints can smell you.  I’m not kidding. Rifles and shotguns have to be cleaned, sighted-in.  Ammo bought and target practice. And IF you’ve treated the little woman right all year, you might, just maybe, be purchasing a brand new gun. And those have to be broke in.  This is a very intense time of the year that requires the menfolks’ complete attention.  They have to bring home the bacon, literally.

By December, the ground is probably frozen and at that point YOU CAN GET MARRIED!?  No wait.  December is really really busy what with programs, concerts, family get togethers.  And duck and pheasants and deer are still lurking in the wilderness.  Hmmm, maybe December won’t work either. 

Next up is January and you know what that means.  Snow, blizzards, white-outs, power failures, lots and lots of digging out.  Nope, not a great month for weddings unless you like to gamble.  Besides, pens have to be cleaned.

So February is looking pretty darned good but that’s the month that all the old geezers take off to Hawaii, Florida, Texas…anywhere that’s warm.  Can they change their travel plans?!!!  Probably but don’t count on it.  Besides, February is a good month for upkeep on tractors and trucks.  And all of the seed companies love to have banquets then.  And there’s poop to haul.  Tons of it.

March is totally out.  Basketball reigns!!!!  March madness is not something you want to compete with.  I mean, what IF you schedule for the weekend and KU makes the finals?  So if March is THE month, have your wedding coordinator on speed-dial for those last minute cancellations.  Just sayin’.  Corn planting is in all of the farmer’s minds.  They’re busy cleaning planters, getting their ground ready, finding their little yellow plastic seed finders…

 And manure has to be cleaned out of cattle pens.  It’s multiplying.

So now, you’re up April.  Don’t even think about it.  April is jam-packed with corn planting, breakdowns, going after parts, going after even more parts, more corn planting, irrigation well checks, going after well parts and, you guessed it…more poop hauling.

Then comes May.  Hey, that may be graduation month but May is looking pretty good!!  Corn planting should be done finished up. Machinery maintenance taken care of. Roads graded. Wheat is not ready to cut. Yet.  However, May tends to be pretty volatile weather-wise, so stay close to a cellar or basement or bathtub.  But yeah, May is a possibility!?  Because next up is June and that’s where we started with all of this

I remember when Big Boss and I were going through all of the months in our wedding planning.  Not being a farm girl at that point, I, silly silly girl, thought I could just pick a month that was convenient for me.  I was such a naive thing.  After BB wiped out every month that I mentioned…I got smart and asked just when COULD we get married?  “Now she’s  getting serious,” thought BB.  “Well November is pretty good because the fall is usually slower (remember, this was 1970 when falls really were slower!).  So November it was.  Except, we forgot about college homecoming, deer season and early blizzards.  What were we thinking?

Then comes the planning of babies…don’t even think about having a baby during silage harvest.  Or wheat. Or corn planting. Like babies care? 

So the bottom line is.  Don’t plan.  Just do it.  Simpler that way. If it snows, so what?  If they have to drop you off at the hospital and then go after parts, no big deal.  After all, you’re the one in labor and we can make good use of our time can’t we?!  Or like when we were still coaching in West Texas…”I’m in labor.”  “OK, let’s go. But on our way out of town, I need to stop at the gym.”  Really?  Seriously?  Uh huh.  Very serious. 

With the third son, we were on our way to the doctor, who was (we were pretty sure) going to slap me into the hospital pronto.  But first….we had to stop at the feedlot on our way out.  I’m smiling.  Really I am. 🙂

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5 Responses to A guide to farm weddings/any celebration

  1. servetus says:

    This is something I really appreciate about where I grew up: not implying that the whole emotional value of the marriage is somehow contingent upon having had the perfect wedding. Less is more. Have a barn dance or a spanferkel meal, save a lot of money, and keep your reality-tv expectations in check. It’ll be a party to remember — and if you really want to have the fancy do, you can have it when you retire, hopefully have a little more money, and a lot of memories to celebrate.

    (Then again, if I ever get married you’ll have to drive me at gunpoint to the justice of the peace …)

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  2. The Queen says:

    Hey..if you ever get married, I’ll not only bake the cake but I’ll also dance. Now that would be a real treat!

    I’ve noticed the trend towards these splashy end all weddings just keeps going and going. If I had it to do all over again…same guy, you understand….I’d do the home wedding thing. Maybe in the garden. With homemade icecream and hot dogs. Turn on the sprinkler and let the kids do their thing! So please splain the “spanferkel” meal. German?

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  3. servetus says:

    yeah, it’s a roast suckling pig. (ferkl=dialect word for piglet). For a big wedding you sometimes get a whole pig to roast. Stuff it and put an apple in its mouth. That’s how both my uncles got married: wedding in church, and then they had a big spit set up lakeside, changed their clothes and everyone just had a picnic. (One liked it so much he got married that way twice –grin). Best in the summer.

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    • The Queen says:

      Oh yeah! They do that here too. Never heard of such in my neck of the woods. In fact, when I married, you just did the church thing, quick reception w/punch and cake and off you went! And they do the stuffing here too…dressing where I come from! Who’d of thought of pig and dressing?!!! Actually, the pig thing is done for a lot of special events here…rodeos, fairs, school functions. Of course, us Baptists do casseroles! 🙂 But you knew that right?!! LOL!!!!!

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  4. servetus says:

    A German will stuff anything, lol 🙂

    Casseroles are big up here, too, there’s a joke about how if you’re Lutheran you don’t bring your friend a bottle of booze, you bring a casserole 🙂

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