You Don’t Say by Lee Pitts

Fluffy Ann, the baby calf from Wisconsin with thanks to Dairy Carrie.

Being the wife of a farmer/rancher, I have noticed through the years, that we get an unusual large amount of mail.  Yeah, lots of bills but also LOTS of farm mags/journals/newspapers.  We stay completely up to date on All Things Ag-Related…the best way to plant corn, the newest development in ag law, the up and coming herbicides, how to take care of any and all maladies that might spring up on a farm critter.  We get it ALL!  Sometimes in triplicate. Yes, I am smiling.

Which means, there are literal mountains of this stuff in and around any chair that Big Boss might fall in to. Exaggerating?  Are you crazy?!!!  There are days I have trouble finding the furniture.  And just as sure as I have had “enough” and dare to sort through and possibly…just maybe…sneak on or two into the trash, he’ll want that very magazine.  Not saying I’ve done it…

But occasionally, I do sit down and read through some of the multitudes of farm journals.  Like The Progressive Cattleman, even IF I do hate the title.  Really?  Progressive as opposed to Regressive? Uhhmmm…where was I.  I had a point. I think.  Oh…the good stuff.  So I read Lee Pitt’s column the other day and had a good laugh.  He does a piece in the monthly Progressive/Really Smart Cattleman.  This month’s column was hugely humorous.  To us anyways.  If you’re city born and bred, you might not get some of the humor.  But then I did have to ask about the last one.  I’ll slap that one out last so as to keep you interested. 🙂

There are things you’d rather not hear your vet say.  Now, in these parts, The Vet is The Word.  The Man.  Doc says do it and we do it double time.  Doc says don’t do it and we come to a screeching halt.  He stops by our feedlot on a weekly basis, does a check on All Things Cattle, gives our cowboys advice, suggests different medicines and different treatments and in general, his words are gospel. Period. He’s like family and is a genius. Period. So, yes, there are things you don’t want to hear him say.

Like, “Do you have the tallow works phone number or should I get it for you?” says Lee.  That means, the cow he just checked is “checking out”…headed for cow heaven.

Mr. Pitts further offers, “I think my arm is stuck.”  Which means, the vet who is checking your mama cow’s pregnancy progress with his arm inside the cow (don’t want to get too graphic but heck, it’s the only way he can check it!) is in huge trouble.  Time to get the front loader and chains out.

“I vividly remember seeing something like this back in vet school.  If I recall correctly it was in autopsy class.”  Not good.  At all.

So, if you’re in need of a good laugh, head on over to this link and check Lee out.  And while you’re there, Baxter Black is available for a grin or two.

Oh and the last one that I didn’t get was “Open.” I didn’t get it because we’re not a cow/calf operation. Never heard of it. Apparently, it means that said cow is not with child. That, my friends, is NOT good for cow/calf man. Serious problems cause he wants all of the babies his vet can find. But it makes me wonder if “open” means no baby, does “closed” mean baby cow in progress? Gotta remember to ask Big Boss.

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