The Great Squirrel War

I’ve always chuckled at photos on Facebook that feature little critters.  Not that I thought the critters were automatically “cute”  but I chuckle at us humans spending so much time admiring them.  Especially squirrels.

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Do these folks realize that if left to their own devices, squirrels  would rule the world?!!!!!

They multiply as the speed of light.  They will eat you out of the house.  That includes eating the house.  They chew up wiring, dine on attic insulation and keep you up at night running on roofs and/or running through your attic.  AND…those huge, furry tails just plain IRRITATE me.

This is cute?!

I think not. THIS is aggravating.  THIS will reduce one to a blithering pile of human insanity.

Big Boss was admiring our resident squirrel just the other day as the “cute” rodent ran through our backyard and helped himself to a drink of water that had collected from the sprinkler filling an empty plant holder.  “Oh look! See how he holds on to the edge as he dips his sweet little head into the planter!  And his bushy little tail helps balance him?”

I mumbled something not repeatable.  It’s a RODENT for Pete’s Sake.  They eat everything in sight. And out.

Grandsons exclaimed yesterday that the dogs had something treed.  They just knew it was one of the shop cats.  Nope, I said. Probably the stupid squirrel.

Yes. I am. I am a squirrel bigot. They fit in the same category in my world as a cat.  Useless.

So, all those months ago while I gathered up my beloved acorns, I gathered with the knowledge that lurked in the far reaches on my brain; that deer and squirrels have favorite acorns.  They much prefer burr oak acorns. Oh goody.

That thought haunted me as I stashed away the acorns.  So I was diligent. I hunted acorns with urgency.  I “had” to get to the acorns before the critters got them.  This was a race and I was going to win.  At any cost.  Me against the squirrel and deer worlds.

A few days ago, I was going to brag that ALL BUT ONE acorn had sprouted and surely I was The Acorn Genius of the World!  Pretty good percentage huh? Out of 12 acorns, 11 had sprouted.  Amazing how this grand plan of our Maker works with plants and stuff!!

5 trees from 2 weeks ago

5 trees from 2 weeks ago

I worked outside all day yesterday.  It was absolutely beautiful!  No wind.  Sun was shining.  Temps were perfect.  Three grandsons came over to help out along with one of our cowboys.  Could life get any more AWESOME…singing “Everybody’s  awesome!” under my breath.  🙂

Alas, I  stepped outside early this morning with coffee in hand and my eyes locked onto the sweet woodruff I transplanted yesterday that was now upside down with potting soil strewn all over the sidewalk.  Nooooooooooo!

Frantically, my eyes scoped the porch where most of my seedlings are residing until planting time.  All was well.  Whew.

Wait.

The one pot that held a precious acorn baby was on the other side the porch.  He needed more protection as he was the tiniest of the babies that sprouted tall enough to be outside.

My blood ran cold as I saw soil everywhere and the pot turned over.  It couldn’t be.  Coffee was forgotten as I ran to the side of the pot, frantically sifting through the soil for the baby tree.  Nothing.

And then. I turned to see the gory remains of my acorn.  The heart was eaten out and acorn shells fragments were everywhere.  It was awful.  The limp baby tree was close by with the tap root gone. I knew instantly who the murderer was.  That very shady rodent with the extreme tail hairdo was most certainly the culprit.  Cats don’t eat acorns and neither do dogs. No deer tracks (so far, they have stayed out the backyard). Yep, this was the work of a lone criminal.  With a big tail.
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This. Is. War.

Shotgun and shells are at the ready.  Wire for tree cages standing by.  Pliers located to build cages.  Spray on deterrent waiting for use. Target practice scheduled.

I WILL have my revenge. The only good squirrel is a DEAD squirrel.

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7 Responses to The Great Squirrel War

  1. grammyjj says:

    You know those “useless” cats DO eat squirrels!!! 🙂 Perhaps if you weren’t such a hater…

    Like

  2. Dianne says:

    My Dad always said a squirrel is a rat with a fluffy tail. He hated them too.

    Like

  3. Ann Edgar says:

    I think most would agree with you. We have very few around here anymore, thanks to Papa, Jason, Janson and Hanner!

    Like

  4. Fancy Nancy says:

    Hahaha…a bit bias against one of the Maker’s cutest creations, huh! We city folks have fewer of these little lovelies since most of them die before their first year due to automobiles (that’s an actual fact). Yet, we still had one get in our house through, of all places, the vent above the range top! It was a scene out of Christmas Vacation or the song Mississippi Squirrel! I enjoy watching them in the yard but not so much running through my house!

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