How to eat a doughnut

I  just read a restaurant review in the New York Observer.  No, I haven’t lost my mind and no, I have MANY other things to do and yes, I have a life.

I am now thoroughly convinced that there is an army of snobbish East Coasters (not all, just some) who have NO idea that anyone lives west of…oh I don’t know, Pennsylvania.  And those of us do live in The West, actually wear shoes.

This review took apart a restaurant because of their “morally hazardous” food and the chef’s/restaurant’s theme, Appalachia. Because you know and everyone knows that well, Appalachia is poor and we shouldn’t cook their kind of food.

Huh?

No wait.  Evidently the food wasn’t that bad, although the author of the review, a Mr. J. D. Stein had some menu suggestions that in his view would improve the Appalachian Experience. The reviewer just didn’t like the interior decorating…or the tableware, because it “referenced” poor Appalachia.

Huh?

So we’re not supposed to enjoy food that reflects us hicks? Are you kidding me?

I could run with that forever…no tamales?  No grits? No *gasp* doughnuts?

I have no idea where doughnuts originated, but if anything is “morally hazardous”, it’s got to be the yummy, soft, sweet doughnut.

What? you say!  You’re on way to Krispy Kreme at this very moment to load up on hazards?

I’m with you. Completely.  Give me a hazard just once in a while.

Like the other day when I went to the Big City to stock up on cake supplies.  While the cake shop IS on the other side of town, I had “things” to do on the opposite side , so there I was.

Heading straight for my favorite immoral peddler of hazards…Krispy Kreme.  I drool as I type.

Yeah, I know. I could hear BB as I drove through the drive-through.  He rolls his eyes everytime we’re in the Big City and I suggest/insist that we hit KK.

“You DO know that those things are bad for you?”

“Yeah, if you ate them every day…”

Side note: I’ve often thought that if I lived in a Big City, I would weigh 500 lbs.

So this is how I deal with hazardous yumminess.

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While standing over the sink or a paper towel, grab a spoon and that little circle of heaven and flip it over. See all that sugar glaze that is just waiting to make you immoral?  That has to go.

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So, start scraping with your spoon ever so gently…the middle hole sides hold a LOT of glaze.  Go for it.

When you’re done, you’ll have scraped THOUSANDS of calories into your sink/towel and have accomplished the impossible…a moral doughnut.  And then you can have another one because, after all, you’ve eliminated all of those calories so that means you can now eat two. Or three. Of course, AFTER you nuke them for exactly 7 seconds. You’re welcome.

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Just what you always wanted Mr. Stein.  Food morality. I feel so superior now.

 

This entry was posted in Boomers' Corner, Recipes and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to How to eat a doughnut

  1. Kitty says:

    I have never violated a KK like that. Just nuke it, and slush it down w/ a cuppa joe. (I have, however, licked the leaking lemon / raspberry filling before it lands on my massive babs).

    Like

  2. Pingback: How to eat a doughnut | Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About … | Know What You Eat

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